Resonating thoughts

I accepted whatever came my way without a judgment or even a mere thought..as if I'm a beggar out of choices to chose from. I felt the easier way out of this would be to go with the flow. To suffer in silence and to bear the vengeance for the right time. However, lets transcript into a different mode of my life: work. After 3 months of almost doing nothing and being newly-Singly married, I wandered through various modes of fascination that I wanted like to pursue and thought I would be quite successful in. Who knows had I been more persistent,I could have.sometimes I think, I gave up to early.. but what decides what is early...my patience or my bank balance..so, this is what my fascination made me do: I called up directors asking them to hire me as their assistant. I was met with reject. Established photographer : Reject. Designing houses: Reject. Creative agency: Exploited my patience. Exasperated and tired ,most of the days blaming myself for being rejected...cold calls,knocking...

I wondered often why would I think of you every-time I was sad, every-time I cried, every-time I smiled or even happy for the smallest thing in my life. And in these Every-time I would want to pick up the phone and call you and only to realise every-time that I didn't know where to find you.And I cried every-time I missed you You had shut me out. You had hurt me in ways that I can ever forget,but more than that you had loved in ways which had overcome the pain of being hurt and maybe abandoned. I never understood what went wrong or was the whole process never reversible or was I that unbearable. But while I thought, I also learned,so much with and without you: You made me capable to love but never to receive it after that..never ever did I feel loved. Insecure but not vulnerable.I forgot what it meant to trust someone or infact have faith on. Immune but not cured.I tried to never let anyone ever hurt me again. You just left me complete and yet incomplete in manners mostly beyond ...