Resonating thoughts

When we were little kids we believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith in what your grandparents or parents recited to you... The tales on Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could experience them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust or rather believe. But the problem is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and they will meet with their Happy Ending. I've also heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums w...

Those on this side think it must be easy and talk about everything being alright, but it wasn’t fine anymore… I woke up one day and realized and the fairy tale is anything but a lie to keep us going on each day… I found no reason to wake up,not anymore.No reason could make me smile,make me cry and most of all feel… I knew the end is here…I had no reason to go on anymore…Nothing to say to anyone. When the pain takes the most of us, we stop feeling, stop seeing, stop loving. Even ourselves. When everything you believe in and live for just loses its meaning, how can life then have a meaning? Not all of us are born with the alchemist within us,some of us are just born simple and in that simplicity when the pain beings to drown us, the other side of the world looks better. We just want few simple things..some love,some care and some understanding...but sometimes it too seems a lot to ask for. I too just want to be that catcher in the rye who will look over at the children playing ...

How does one live day after day with a broken heart and imagine how would it have been to live each day that passes by with a person your heart longs for while you live with someone who you thought could take your pain away. How does one live without an source for inspiration or even without a reason, when you are loathed each moment by those surrounding you. How do you bear the pain when everything else seems so fake,expect that warmth that you long for which is always so faraway. When happiness has no definition, when dreams seem a real reality and the reality a crude nightmare. When all that brings a smile to your face, is a name, is a memory or even a distant thought. What do you do when all the care in the world seems like nothing but a suffocating wall, determined to kill my feelings for you. What do you do, when I grasp and clutch my knees and hold myself and kindle your thoughts to keep me warm. I ask myself, every moment, what must you be doing now, when I wake up crying from...

I accepted whatever came my way without a judgment or even a mere thought..as if I'm a beggar out of choices to chose from. I felt the easier way out of this would be to go with the flow. To suffer in silence and to bear the vengeance for the right time. However, lets transcript into a different mode of my life: work. After 3 months of almost doing nothing and being newly-Singly married, I wandered through various modes of fascination that I wanted like to pursue and thought I would be quite successful in. Who knows had I been more persistent,I could have.sometimes I think, I gave up to early.. but what decides what is early...my patience or my bank balance..so, this is what my fascination made me do: I called up directors asking them to hire me as their assistant. I was met with reject. Established photographer : Reject. Designing houses: Reject. Creative agency: Exploited my patience. Exasperated and tired ,most of the days blaming myself for being rejected...cold calls,knocking...

I wondered often why would I think of you every-time I was sad, every-time I cried, every-time I smiled or even happy for the smallest thing in my life. And in these Every-time I would want to pick up the phone and call you and only to realise every-time that I didn't know where to find you.And I cried every-time I missed you You had shut me out. You had hurt me in ways that I can ever forget,but more than that you had loved in ways which had overcome the pain of being hurt and maybe abandoned. I never understood what went wrong or was the whole process never reversible or was I that unbearable. But while I thought, I also learned,so much with and without you: You made me capable to love but never to receive it after that..never ever did I feel loved. Insecure but not vulnerable.I forgot what it meant to trust someone or infact have faith on. Immune but not cured.I tried to never let anyone ever hurt me again. You just left me complete and yet incomplete in manners mostly beyond ...

This would probably be the worst time of my life: filled with self doubt, unhappiness and irritation, I wake up each morning to hope for a better day.In hope to see the light. Strange are the ways of the world and destiny, what I yearned for so long, I want not anymore, in fact it irritates me to think why I even ask for it. I sit in quite places, places that are dark,cold and colorless and it gives me a unique sense of peace to be in those spaces. As if in that coldness and darkness the space speaks to me, understands me the most. I have in these spaces understood that I'm alone and will be always and instincts are not what you should trust. I have lost all faith in myself, lost all will to improve, lost all motivation to wake up.. each day I lie dead in the early hours of morning, hoping all would change. I maintain a facade to be happy and when I can't anymore I draw out far away for with time I have understood, everyone has failed to understand and no one understands th...

Endless Trauma... Deep down inside I cry for the mistakes made by you for me to suffer... Deep down inside I bear the pain of dreaming the wrong dreams Deep down inside lies a vast ocean of questions to which I have no answers Deep down into this colorless dream I dream only to fall behind the walls of sanity Deep down into this endless pain I suffer which is beyond the heights of purity Deep down into this saddened seas I swim to erase all the hopes of humanity Deep down into this meaningless life I fly only to search upon the skies of dignity

The wait was over! My endless calls to your switched phone...my mails almost each night before I closed my eyes & most of all...my endless wait for your embrace...is over! I tried your phone for the one last time..only again to find it switched off..checked your social network existence..you existed & were quite social in networking too...checked my mails..my spams..No mails from you! A week from now my life would change and as long as I could I kept hoping you would turn back atleast once and say something... But by now I realized it wasn't going to happen.. and somewhere in our past lanes.. we have already bidden our goodbyes to each other!!!

everytime I looked at her..I wud become more convinced that I loathed her. Her reasons of being cruel to me in her strange manners were something I couldnot understand or comprehend for that matter. She has/had an unique manner of getting her way through everything. as days passed & as I grew up to observe her I became more convinced I didnt want to be like her.

What's worse, new wounds which ...are so horribly painful or old wounds that should've healed years ago and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remind us where we've been and what we've overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. That's what we like to think. But that's not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again. Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be. The people who suffer the most, are those who don't know what they want. I think that the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that dont change; when everybody else does. Each of us represents a star in the sky.Sometimes we shine with the rest,sometimes we twinkle alone,& sometimes.. when we least expect it.. we fall &...

I stared at the walls not entirely blank but I just could not figure out what exactly was I thinking about you..all I knew was only this that I was still thinking about you.But what, I myself didn't know..just your images roamed infront of my eyes. Somewhere calculating or maybe trying to understand, why despite trying so hard I can never hate you,can't keep you out of my thoughts.And for once I was failing to understand myself. To think about you it doesn't hurt anymore but a queer feeling stirs inside me. Nah, its not my stomach churning, its just something indescribable..I have no definition to it. I wanted answers to so many questions as they remain a mystery in my mind. Each day as I go through my day some incident or the other will refresh your existence in my mind. I though no longer feel any pain to think of you but your existence just doesn't want to diminish and then vanish from my life. I avoid haunting the places which holds your space but something will lea...

"I've come to a conclusion that,if things turned out the way you wanted them to..is a measure of a successful life, then some would say I'm a failure. The important thing is:not to be bitter over life's diappointments. Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that each day won't be sunny. But when you find yourself - lost in the darkness of despair, Remember, that its only in the black of night that you can see the stars. And those stars, will lead you home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes; to stumle and fall. Because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing things that scare you the most" Coach Whitey(OTH)

As I lay awake late at night in my bed,I can hear the rain pour.The monsoon seems to have arrived. The sweet smell of wet mud drifts into my room and amidst the swirling noise of the fan I can also hear the trees swing,swish and swoosh with the wind. My mind is endlessly working on various thoughts and memories... of what could have been, what can be done and yet I'm trying to focus to only on any one of the thoughts. Restless and irritated, I sit up and place my feet on the cold concrete and then slowly walk towards the window. The yellow street lights today seems to be shining brighter in its grey surrounding.The midnight blue of the night has hidden the greenery and all that I can see from my window is the light bouncing against all the concrete forms; depicting even the shape and direction of the rain drops before they settle on the ground.

I wanted to hear you for the one last time before the legalities and the moralities would divide us. I wanted to tell you everything, before you would misunderstand me all over again. I wanted you to understand me one last time. I simply just wanted you to hear me without misjudging me. Its usually a switched off mode your phone is on or when it rings you choose not to answer it anymore.I left a few messages before also on your inbox-mailbox and where ever I could touch base with you. You remained out of touch and beyond my reach. By the time you return, everything will change. Change that will be beyond change. Only if once you would hear me out.

"Need various mediums to express myself:Creative writing. Photography. Film. Art. Fashion & Music. Music tops my priority in list of passion and have an ear for anything musical. Trained in western classical through the medium of Piano, I'm currently maturing to understand Jazz. I truly believe in existing through all the mediums and the spaces within, as the beauty of all this, is, the ability to paint a picture, conjure colours, sounds and smells that no language can express better. Born in Shillong and schooled in Simla and travelled through out India and few place beyond, travelling is something I love. simultaneously,having grown -up with people who manage few of the biggest talents in India,I wish to organise the underground music scene....with a small amount of knowledge in sound engineering, a major in finance and currently mastering in Business law from National Law School, Bangalore.. I like to know-more..read more & study more..... Currently at 24, as I shut...

sometimes its the best and the easiest way out of everything.. There are days.. when I wish the world would abandon me.. where everything around me would me stop and I didn't have to think or worry! My existence revolves around deadlines and panic. I get bounced off the wall from here to there and from there to here. I'm so feed up that I now want to quit!!

After you left this time.. I didn't cry.. neither did I bite myself the pillow to check if it still hurts or wait in hope of your call.I didn't chose to call anyone and lament about how you once again betrayed me.This time I just sat quite...or rather choose to do so... You choose to leave without a goodbye.. just a text that blinked in the early hours of morning while I was deep in my sleep to inform me you'll be gone before I would wake up. I don't chose to throw out your thoughts out of mind.. they will stop occurring one fine day..just as they had similarly the last time.I can't pretend to be happy cause I know I'm not at the moment, the feeling of betrayal is yet to sink unto me & if it has, I'm yet to decide how exactly should I feel about you. You have chosen to vanish but I'm surrounded by your belongings in my mind.. in my sphere of life. You surreal presence still lingers on, despite not wanting to feel it around anymore. You don...

As the TV silently blinked in the dark room emitting it with blue & white light.. My mind flashed thoughts of you. It was half twelve and everything around me was quiet and sultry, yet I felt cold and wanted your arms around.. to comfort me.. to tell me all can be undone..... Been a while since I have seen you.A cold room with floral bed sheet and a study table often passes through my head. Visions of you looking out at the horizon as the sun sets plays in my head. Don't remember the last time I spoke to you or heard your voice.. the cryptic sound of call being disturbed still repeats itself in my ears & in errie silence its this white noise that brings back your far-distant bleakly heard voice... The little wooden camel with a moving head,the glass doll and stacks of books - all once a part of yuor world are always omnipresnet in me... The warm-cool smell that would linger on for days, still finds its way back to tell me you might be still around... somewhere Sea..Mountain...

Fallen sick .. wanted to sleep and only sleep and that was the only thing I was deprived of... So I further fell sick. :) But now I only want to sleep and let go by of everything... Be it the politics at work or the culinary fight at home or the tactics for survival. I just want to sleep through it. But alas! have to be awake through it and bear it and then have nightmares on the same. Arrrrghhhh.. will someone please let me sleep.