Resonating thoughts

Looking out of the windows towards this pink and red house with green glass windows I wonder why did i even come back to cal..Mayb i was at ma lonely best in delhi but atleast the thought to things will improve kept me going...only to come here and realise that things haven't changed even a bit,priorities though changed..it still remains unfocused from me.

Haven't written anything in a long while.. Not that I was running out of things to write but out time to phrase what I felt or could feel. Everytime I would sit down to write with concrete thoughts,the flow would just dissappear, making me too restless to think too impatient to wonder and if at all I would think I would/will end up being depressed. Having moved into a new city with new atmosphere I have lot more to observe and grasp. Different from where I have been in the last 5 years, this city seemed to be the most indifferent city that I have ever resided in. Impersonal..is the way I would like to define the city..if you want you can make this city the best city to live in and the other way round.. I'm yet to understand what I feel for it.

I turn to writing & music...when I'm most hurt in the most unexpected way...it's obvious if you knew you were to get hurt, wouldn't you have stopped yourself from being hurt..but then certain things still hurt me..even after years living in that pain... I turn to writing to pour out my heart without concealing my felling or without pretending or without any obligation, music only further soothes me as if through those notes someone somewhere is understanding my pain. My pain of being pulled down by people I trusted most, more than my parents, more than myself...you ask yourself why, had I done something wrong unto you? Weird are the ways of the world...weird how i can never be first, never do enough to get that unconditional unjudgemental love that I have been a witness to,for 19 years my mother showcasing on my brother..Have stopped thinking and wondering, why? I just know that I have failed, failed in life to love someone.. Suddenly i have run out of tears to cry, ang...

“Exactly what I’m doing here I usually don’t have any idea. Either I’m too lost or too drunk. For some time I thought I could write, sing, dance and speak well. But with time I learnt I was just bottling myself up for nothing. To live I write, somewhat…I’m categorized in the genre of copywriter in the world of Advertising The list of things that revolve around me is Music, music & more MUSIC. Lately in it included are a few joints of grass with heavy dosages of coffee to keep me going at night! To keep in pace with all else … I crossover each day … ugly beauties, amplified silence, monstrously small ideas, uncertainly creative innovations. However, the one thing that goes amiss …. amidst all this is my inevitable confusion over something... that’s almost nothing…. As I begin each day, restlessness stirs inside me …the answers to which I don’t have. I left Calcutta too early & too young to care about its preceding or about the proceedings…. Lived too far to be a...

& here i'm wishing I could simply just go & bash up some elements who distract the motive of my life. Certainly, I'm irritated & to the point ...I want to just go & finish my reason that is making me feel so irritated.